Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
