I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
