Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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