wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
