I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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