You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
