I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He passed out mid-signature
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
