He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
