Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I need a beard to bite.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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