I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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