I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
