I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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