Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
