I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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