I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
