I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
