I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We're too hungover to prance.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
