I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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