I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize