The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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