Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
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