I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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