I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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