It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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