i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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