seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
