marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
