If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
