I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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