it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
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She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
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I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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