hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your dick twin last night
Vodka?
Forever.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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