Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
