Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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