My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
