I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
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I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
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