I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Slut skills are useful in every country.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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