After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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