come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
