Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
