....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
