i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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