he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
