Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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