You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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