Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
