Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
