I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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