So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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