I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
