weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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