Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
