my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
