we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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