I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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