So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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