i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
