You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
