Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
BRING THE BAGELS
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
