she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
