Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
