I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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