i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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