just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm always down for nudity.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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