my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
