Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
