what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
