I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I wear drunk well.
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