i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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