What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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