I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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